I’ve always had a problem with overwhelming jealousy. As a child I was jealous of all of the “things” my friends had that we could never afford. I’ve maintained a lower middle class position into adulthood. I remain jealous. Not necessarily of things, but more of relationships. I see people around me who never really have to worry about day to day life based on their family support. I choose to drive an old beat up car to save money, but still get jealous of anyone who gets a new car. My house is paid for and I have a total debt of less than $1000 right now, but still feel like I’m drowning and will never be able to have anything that I really want.
That being said, I’m also a self punished who feels unworthy of nicer things.
This is the most aggravating self inflicted wound that I deal with. Everything else heals. I’m sinking right now.